Sweet Caroline
by this is only a test
Summary: Caroline Curtis is sick of being known as "Soda's sister". As she struggles to make a name for herself, circumstances make life more difficult than she could have ever imagined. Sisfic.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: S.E. Hinton owns all the characters with the exception of a few; Neil Diamond owns the title.

I stared at The Beatles poster on the side of my wall, wishing I could stay in bed and admire Paul's good looks all day. It was a dreaded Monday morning, and while getting up early was always a chore, today was particularly difficult for a reason I couldn't quite pinpoint. I had a gut feeling it was going to be a long school day, and I wanted nothing more than to sleep until Friday.

After several long minutes, I forced myself to get up. I drug my feet over to my closet and begin to flip through the hangers like a mad woman. Usually I just threw on whatever was clean and in lines with the school dress code, but things were going to change. I'd decided last week I was going to make an effort to look nice. I was trying to make a name for myself or something dumb like that. Everybody knew me as Soda's sister, or worse, Soda's twin, and I was getting real sick of it. I loved my brother, but his popularity was the bane of my existence; I mean, if he weren't so damn popular, I might've had a shot at having an identity of my own, one that didn't have somebody's sister or twin attached to it.

I groaned when I reached the last hanger; my wardrobe was complete and utter shit. Everything was so plain and boring, and now more than ever, I was starting to wish Mom had let me get that job at Fran's, the local diner all my friends frequented. I'd begged her for months to let me work there only to get the same response every time: _You've got the rest of your life to work, Carrie. A job can wait._ She was just deadest against me working, and I only had my grandparents I'd never met to blame for that. When she was my age, they made her work to pay their bills, and she never saw a penny of it. I understood that she wanted us to be kids as long as possible, but I was sixteen now, and she needed to let her little girl grow up sometime. If I had a job, I'd have some extra cash in my pocket, and if I had some extra cash, I could buy myself something decent to wear.

Instead I was stuck with faded black skirt, plain white shirt, and an oversized, hand-me-down, red cardigan. Half of my clothes were hand-me-downs, most of which from my mom's coworker's daughter, Marie. Marie had real nice clothing, but she was also a good three or four inches taller than me. Besides, she had curves, which was something I desperately lacked. I practically swam in her hand-me-downs, and having everything oversized made me look tinier than I actually was.

"Hey, you!" Soda said as he swung open my door. "Hurry it up, will ya?"

"Would it kill you to knock?" I yelled back. "And by the way, I have a name last I checked."

"Sorry, _Caroline_," he stressed. "_Please _hurry up."

"Since when've you been in such a rush to get to school, huh?" I grabbed my hairbrush off the dresser and began to tame my frizzy, brown mess of hair.

"If you're not done in ten minutes I'm leaving without you!"

I groaned and shooed him away. There was no press for time. He only wanted to get going so he could see Sandy, because school was apparently the only time he ever got to see her. She was still fifteen and her parents were ultra strict and didn't want her dating until sixteen. Or something like that anyways… But ever since he'd fallen for her, it seemed like every morning he was in a mad rush to get there early. I mean, school didn't start for another hour, and he was already pestering me to leave.

I finished combing my hair slowly, and just to spite Soda, took even more time deciding what shoes to wear. My options were about as dim as my choices of clothing, but I eventually decided on simple black penny loafers. I'd barely slipped my foot into one when I heard Soda return. This time the concept of a doorway being a boundary didn't seem faze him. He came straight in and was almost breathing down my neck. "Hurry up!" he repeated.

I glared at him. "Be. Patient." I didn't care how much he wanted to see Sandy; he didn't have to be this annoying about leaving.

"No. Hurry. Up," he insisted in the same annoying tone.

I grabbed the shoe not on my foot and smacked him across the face with it. Not hard, but just enough to let him know he was pissing me off.

"You're lucky I'm too much of a gentleman to hit a girl," he whined. "But seriously, Carrie, are you comin' or what?" he persisted as I slipped the shoe I'd just hit him with on my other foot. "I'll leave without you if I have to."

"You already said that, so do it," I dared him. "I'd rather walk with Trish anyways."

"You sure?"

"Yes, I don't_ need_ you to walk me to school, you know."

"Yeah, but you know what Mom says…"

I rolled my eyes and sighed. Our mother was always on me about how I had to be careful as a young girl in our neighborhood, and she always insisted I never walk anywhere alone, even if it was just to school. "I'm gonna walk with Tricia," I told Soda. "She only lives two blocks away, and it's not like it's the middle of the night. Mom ain't here anyways. She won't even have to know."

"Fine," Soda said, beginning to walk out of the room. "See you later, Carrie."

"Bye."

I sighed. Soda was something else sometimes, but I suppose a girl could do that to a guy—especially a girl like Sandy.

I went to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of orange juice. It wasn't much of a breakfast, but I rarely ate breakfast anyways; at least not on the days my mom wasn't home to shove it down my throat. I took a sip of the juice, glanced at the clock, and groaned when I realized I could've slept a bit longer. It was still a good hour before I had to be at school, but seeing as I was already ready, I decided to take off for anyways.

I grabbed my books and left, careful to lock the door behind me. It didn't take long to get to Tricia's. "Glory, Carrie, you're up early today," she said as she opened the door for me. "This might be a new record for you!"

"Yeah, well, you can thank Sodapop for that."

"How so?" she asked, as she scrambled to grab her things.

"He was in a real rush to see Sandy, like always," I told her as she shut the door behind herself.

"Awh, that's kinda sweet."

"More like annoying. I'm tellin' you, Tricia, she's got him wrapped around finger so tightly. All he ever wants to do is be with her."

"Oh, he's just in love, Carrie. You know how he gets."'

"But he's obsessed with her," I insisted.

"Don't you think you're reading into it a bit too much?" she asked, and I groaned.

"Nah, I'm pretty sure he is."

She gave me a fake pout. "Awh, give him a break. He can be in love if he wants."

"You're just takin' his side 'cause you used to have a crush on him," I teased.

Luckily Trish didn't take offense. She probably just thought I was being typical me on a Monday morning, and we both knew I wasn't a morning person.

"But he _is _good-looking." She smiled a bit as she said it, and I rolled my eyes. It certainly wasn't the first time I'd heard that about my brother and it wouldn't be the last either. It was a simple known fact: if you were a guy, you were friends with him; if you were girl, you swooned over him.

Sure enough, when we reached the Will Rogers, Soda was with Sandy. She waved when she noticed me, and reluctantly I waved back. As much as I disliked her, Soda liked her, and I could at least try to be nice, no matter how bad of a taste it left in my mouth.

Trish and I found Kathy and talked to her before the school bell rang. Well, she talked. I just kind of stood there. I wasn't awake enough to carry on much of a conversation, and even if I was, I probably wouldn't anyway.

When the bell finally rang, I groaned and drug my feet into the building, absolutely certain it was going to be a long day.

XXX

I was right.

The day was moving so slow, it was a blessing I made it through to my last class, but before I declared victory over my Monday, I had to survive math, which was not only my last class, but my worst one, too.

I took my seat in the back of the classroom next to Tricia. As I sat down, I reminded myself that the good thing about math class this year was that I didn't have to suffer through it alone. That, and well, the boy that sat on the other side of me was damn good looking. His name was Ricky, and I was sure I spent more time staring at his dark, brown hair than I did the blackboard. It was pointless liking him, though, because he probably didn't even know I existed. He probably knew I was "Soda's sister", but that had to be it.

Halfway through class I felt someone tap my shoulder.

I turned and there he was smiling at me. "Hey, ain't you Soda's sister?" he whispered.

My face immediately grew red. The moment I'd been waiting for all year, and he had to open the conversation asking if I was Soda's sister. I had no idea what to say, so I just stared.

"Anyways, you dropped your pencil. Here," he said, setting it on my desk. "Ain't you gonna say anything?"

"You're welcome," he added sarcastically before I could manage to thank him.

As soon as he'd turned back around in his desk, I heard him whisper something to his friend about me being uptight. I bit my lip and sunk into my seat, trying to contain my embarrassment.

After class Trish stopped me; she could tell I was upset. "What's wrong?" she asked before I could even reach my locker.

"Nothing," I replied quickly. It wasn't that I couldn't tell her; I just didn't want to say it. I didn't want to admit to her or myself that my crush thought I was uptight. I mean, who know what else he thought about me, and the worst part was I couldn't say I blamed him after what happened today. God, he probably thought I was a bitch…

"Okay then." I could tell she didn't believe me by the tone of her voice.

Not wanting her to worry, I forced a smile.

The walk home was dead silent. I finally decided to break it when we neared her house. "I think I'm gonna get a job."

"Did your Mom finally say you could?"

"No," I admitted. "But I'm gonna talk to my dad tonight. Maybe he could change her mind."

I wanted a job desperately, and not just for the money. Tricia had a job at the diner and had made friends with several of her coworkers. She even got a boyfriend out of the deal. Getting a job just made sense. If I worked there, people would know me as someone that worked there. As obvious and dull as that sounded, it seemed like a step up from just someone's sister.

"That's a good plan. He'll be easier to convince than your mother," she said. "You should apply at Fran's. I'll put in a good name for you with the boss. She loves me."

"Glory, that'd be great, if we really could end up working together…"

"You have to make it work, Carrie," she told me with a huge grin. "I'm way too excited now."

"I will," I assured her.

"Well, I'd better get going," she said, and I hadn't even noticed we were now standing right in front of her house. "I promised my sister I'd help her with something after school. I'll see ya later, Carrie. Good luck!"

"Thanks! See you tomorrow."

I sighed as we parted ways. I'd need all the luck I could get. The more I thought about it, the more I realized asking Dad wasn't that great of a plan. I mean, he usually deferred to her anyways, and she probably would consider it me going behind her back. If I wanted a job, I'd have to get her to agree to it.

When I got home, she was in the kitchen, peeling potatoes. "Hey, Mom," I called as I walked inside.

"Hi, honey. How was school?"

"Fine," I lied, not wanting to talk about the Ricky fiasco.

She smiled at me. "Good."

I sat down at the table, and feeling bold, decided to ask her now. "So, Tricia told me Fran's was hiring…" As soon as the words left my lips, I regretted the decision. I was rushing. There was no way she'd go for it.

Mom set down the knife and gave me one of her infamous looks. "Now, we've already talked about this, Carrie," she said firmly. "I'm not gonna change my mind."

"But Mom, I'm sixteen now…" I whined.

"If you had a job, you'd have less time for school," she insisted. "Besides, I don't like where she works."

"What's wrong with Fran's?"

"It's not the diner, it's the neighborhood. You're a sixteen-year-old girl, and I don't want you walking home alone at night."

"I could walk with Trish—"

"No."

"But nothing's gonna happen, Mom!" I didn't understand why she was so concerned. Tricia and her friends were just fine working there. Nothing had ever happened to them, just like nothing would ever happen to me. She worried too much.

"You never know," she said. "And I don't wanna have you take that risk."

"I know, but—"

"No buts. You're not getting a job, and that's final." She shot me a look that said one more word and you're dead. I suppose she really wasn't in the mood today, and if I had half a mind, I would've kept my mouth shut after that.

I managed to stay silent for a few minutes. I stared at wall and twiddled my thumbs, trying as hard as I could to see it from her side. I knew she still resented her parents for making her work, but this was different. She wasn't forcing me to do anything—I wanted this job.

"I just don't get why," I said aloud. "I mean—"

"You don't have to get why. All you need to get is I said no. You're _not_ getting a job!" Now she was really starting to boil up, and of course she'd say something like that. _Because I told you so_, or some variation of it, was always what she said whenever I tried to argue with her.

"Fine," I snapped. "But you do realize you're being ridiculous, right?" I knew I should have held my tongue, but I didn't really care. She was being ridiculous. All my friends had jobs and only good things had happened because it. It wasn't fair.

"Don't you dare talk to me like that. I am your mother, and I know what's best for you!"

"No, you don't." I shot up and moved towards the door.

"Caroline!" she yelled after me. "Get back here. I am not done talking to you."

"Well, I'm done talking to you," I hissed and slammed the door behind me.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: S.E. Hinton still owns the characters I didn't create; Neil Diamond still owns the title.

I stormed off as fast as I could in no particular direction. I didn't have any intentions of going far—all I wanted to do was blow off some steam—but I kept trudging forward in some mad, determined state.

"Carrie!" I heard someone behind me, and it stopped me dead in my tracks. I turned and it was Soda. He and Pony must've just been coming home from school, and it was just my luck that I'd run into them.

I rolled my eyes and turned to face them. "What?"

"What's up? You look pissed or something."

"I _am_ pissed. At Mom."

"Why?"

"Just…" I began, sighing. I really didn't wanna tell him, but there was a genuine hint of concern in his voice, so I cracked. "I asked if I could get that job again." It sounded like such a stupid thing to be pissed about when the words flew out of my mouth.

Pony was laughing at me, and I sneered at him. "Well, what made you think she'd say yes?" he asked.

I glared at him to shut him up, but he was probably right. I should've known she'd say no, but that still didn't make it any more fair. I loved her, but glory, she was the most impossible person on the planet…

"Where're ya going anyway?" Soda asked.

"Nowhere. Just don't wanna be around her for a while."

"Let's go, Carrie." Soda gently pulled in the direction they were walking. He wasn't saying much, which was odd for him. Maybe he thought she was right and didn't want to piss me off by saying it. I grumbled—a little support would've been nice.

But even though, I was still reeling, I decided to just go along with them anyway because she'd just be more irritated if I didn't come back right away. The last thing I wanted to do was leave her with an abundance of time to dream up my punishment.

I'd already given her more than enough time, considering I'd almost made it the entire length to school.

On the way home, Soda told Pony about something Two-Bit did over lunch, but I wasn't really paying too much attention to their conversation. The only thing I had on my mind was how much trouble I was going to be in.

When we finally got home, I walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water, hoping I'd avoid her in the process. Soda followed behind me—he probably was looking for something to eat. I grabbed a glass out of the cupboard and turned on the sink.

"Hey, what's this about, huh?" Soda asked, sticking a piece of paper in my face before I could even put the glass under the stream of water. He seemed quite agitated, and I had no clue why.

"Hold it a little closer to my face and maybe I'll actually be able to read it," I said, setting the glass down and turning off the sink.

I grabbed the note from him and read it. It was from Mom and said she was going to get Dad to help her look for me. I stared at it for a moment, wondering why she'd react that strongly. She had to know I was planning on coming back, right?

"You know, you really shouldn't have stormed out on her."

"Shut up, Soda," I said, annoyed. "Like you've never gotten in a fight with her!"

"They're probably out there all worried about you, and all because you were pissed because she wouldn't let you get some stupid job," he kept on.

"What's goin' on?" Pony asked, coming into the kitchen. He must've heard Soda.

"Mom and Dad are out looking for Carrie," he said bitterly. I really didn't get why he was so upset about it. They'd come back eventually, and I knew he'd had a couple fights like that with her, too.

Pony gave me a bit of a look, and I groaned. They both had done similar things—worse things even—and they didn't need to gang up on me like this.

Soda grumbled and left the room, leaving me there with just Pony.

"Don't even start," I warned him.

"I wasn't gonna." I glanced over at him. Whatever look he was giving me before was gone, and now I wasn't quite sure, but if I had to say, it almost looked like he had sympathy for me.

"Glory, what's Soda's problem?" I asked, rubbing my forehead. After that fight with my mom, I didn't exactly need to be fighting with him, as well.

He shrugged. "Probably just pissed his dinner's gonna be late now. He'll get over it." I should've guessed. If I'd ever might someone that thought more with his stomach, it was Soda, and boy was it ever bugging me now. Just because his food was going to be a little late didn't mean he had to lash out at me.

I sighed. As mad as I was at Soda now, there probably was a slight reason to be concerned. I was still anything but thrilled with Mom, but I didn't exactly want her searching all over Tulsa for me when I was home safe. "Think we should go look for them?" I asked Pony.

"Nah, they'll be back eventually, and it's a big city. It'd take us forever to run into each other anyway."

"True." God, was she ever going to be livid when they returned, and I almost hoped it'd be a long time. If she was that mad before I took off, I didn't even want to think about how she was going to be after she'd gone searching for me. I was dead for sure.

XXX

About an hour or so passed, and there was still no sign of them. They must've been looking everywhere for me, and I was starting to feel bad about it. I mean, sure, Mom _was_ being ridiculous, but I probably didn't need to take off like that. I could've just gone to my room and slammed the door or something.

I heard the door open and bit my lip. Here she was, and I probably should've been planning my funeral in the past couple of hours. I waited anxiously for her to start going off on me, but it never happened. Maybe she was making me wait on purpose, but then I looked up and saw it wasn't them that had come home. It was Darry.

"Hey," he said, taking off his work boots. "I'm late, I know. There anything left from dinner?"

He didn't even wait for me to answer him and walked straight into the kitchen. "Where're Mom and Dad anyway?" he called back.

"I dunno."

"I guess picking up Dad's car from the shop is taking longer than they, though, huh?"

"What?" I asked, confused.

"Didn't you hear them talking about it last night? I'm spotting him the money to pay for the repair 'til his next paycheck."

I sighed. So Mom was going to have to pick up Dad from work anyways… I guess that note was just a classic move on her part to make me feel guilty. Well, it working…

He walked back into the living room and sat down beside me. "Hey, what's this about?" he asked, holding the note from Mom.

"Mom and I kinda had a fight."

"Kinda?" he teased. "She's gonna kill you when she gets home."

I sighed and sulked into the back of the couch. "You don't need to tell me…"

"What was the fight about anyways?"

"Well," I began. "I asked her if I could get a job again, and it kind of went downhill from there…"

"So you took off on her just 'cause she said no? That's real mature…" Well, when he put it that way it did seem kind of dumb, but it was more than _just_ that. It was more because she refused to listen to a single word that came out of my mouth or put a single thought to what I had asked.

I tried to think of a good comeback, but before I could think of anything, the phone rang and he got up to answer it.

I sighed, 100% certain it was Mom and Dad calling to ask if I had come home, but after a couple seconds, it didn't sound like Darry was talking to them at all. I couldn't really make out who it was or what they were telling him, but the couple words I had heard sent chills up my spine. Something about an accident…

I wasn't mad anymore—any feelings of anger were now replaced with fear. What if something had happened while they were out looking for me? The thought kept racing in and out of my mind. I tried to push it out. Maybe it was someone else that person was talking about. Not that that'd make it any better…

Darry hung up the phone and lingered near it for a while, and I immediately knew something big was happening. The look on his face said everything.

I took a few deep breathes and tried to calm myself down. I didn't want to think the worst; not until I'd at least heard Darry say the words.

"Soda … Pony …" he called, and all doubt left me. He wouldn't have got us all together if it wasn't something bad. There were tears in my eyes now, and my jaw had locked. This was all playing out the way I was afraid it would, and with each second, the fear and uncertainty grew. I was spiraling into a complete mess, and it seemed like forever before Soda and Pony actually came.

"Darry, what happened?" Soda asked, staring at him desperately for the answer. He'd read the look on Darry's face and knew something was horribly wrong. We all could see it, and the anticipation was killing me, but I couldn't even open my mouth to ask, let alone speak at all.

Darry was stalling, postponing the agony, but I guess it didn't matter. I was already feeling the agony now. Maybe it wasn't them, though, and I was losing it over nothing. Maybe it was someone else, some relative I didn't even know we had, but that just didn't make sense. It had to be them..

Darry swallowed hard and finally began to speak. "Mom and Dad got in an accident." He paused for a moment. They were dead. I knew it. "They're dead," he added, and hearing the words aloud nearly killed me.

My head was spinning faster and faster; there were a million emotions crashing over me and no words to put to them. I wanted to scream, but my voice wasn't strong enough to let me. My entire body shook, and I couldn't stop it from shaking. I could still hear Darry's voice in the back of my head as he'd said the words; it was replaying like a broken record, and I couldn't stop the loop.

The nightmare was really happening.

I thought back to Mom, and the whole fight just seemed so pathetic now. I shouldn't have asked her about a job, I'd already known she was going to say no, and I definitely shouldn't have stormed out on her. God, I just had to be so immature. The last words I'd ever said to her were, "Well, I'm done talking to you," and if I only knew I really would be done talking to her.

I buried my face in my hands and tried as hard as I could not to throw up. My stomach was already churning, and all the tears I'd swallowed back were irritating it more. I looked up because I was sure if I stared down at the carpet another minute, there'd be puke all over the place.

I glanced over at Pony and Soda, and Soda glared back at me, tears streaming down his face. "You couldn't just leave it well enough alone, could you?"

"Soda, don't do this," Darry begged him to stop.

But Soda didn't stop; he ignored him and kept on. "They'd be home now if you hadn't been so stupid!"

"Shut up, Soda!" Darry yelled at him. "Nobody's blaming anybody. It was an accident."

The words that came out of Soda's mouth hurt more than any other words I'd heard before, and I wanted to say something or defend myself, but I couldn't. I couldn't because he was right, and every word he spoke had hit me like a ton of bricks. The tears I had already been crying now were turning into full out sobs. I'd never cried so hard in my entire life, and I just wanted him to stop because I just I couldn't take anymore of it.

"They're dead no thanks to you!" he added before running out of the room. Pony ran after him, and I felt like I was going to pass out.

"He's right, Darry," I finally managed to speak. "It was my fault."

"Carrie, don't," he said, putting his hand on my shoulder. "He's just upset. He don't mean it.

I pushed him away. Soda _was _right. There was no way I could deny it, and nothing could help the way I was feeling right now. That whole situation had been the biggest mistake of my life, and the aftermath was unfolding in front of me now, and I was just unraveling right along with it.

"You can't control what that driver did, Carrie," Darry went on. "You didn't do anything."

He was trying. He was really, really trying, but I didn't want to hear it. "Just leave," I begged.

"No," he said firmly and grabbed me by my arms. "Carrie, you're being ridiculous. This isn't your fault. I mean, she was gonna have to pick him up from work anyways. Remember? His car was in the shop..."

He didn't get it, did he? Sure, she'd have to pick him up anyways, but that didn't matter. It was the timing; if she hadn't been worried about me, she'd have left later, and if she'd have left later, the accident wouldn't have happened.

It was my fault, no matter what he said. I struggled, trying to break free of his grip.

"Stop it," he demanded, practically shaking me. His fingers were leaving bruises in my arms as I squirmed.

If only I could go back and take back everything I'd said and done… The shock was just too much. I was choking on my tears, and every so often forget to breathe. I wanted so desperately for it to stop, but I was stuck here. I was stick here in this huge mess I'd created, and so were my brothers.

"Carrie." My vision blurred, and my knees started to buckle as I faded out of consciousness. "Carrie, knock it off!" Darry was practically yelling at me now.

I was certain I was bound for the floor, but then I gasped, feeling a sharp pain in my cheek. Suddenly I was back in reality again.

I pressed my hand to my cheek and looked up at Darry, realizing he'd just slapped me. "I'm sorry," he said quickly. "You weren't breathing, and I didn't know what to do…"

He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, pulling me closer to him, and I just let him because I didn't have the energy to fight him off anymore. "It's not your fault," he tried to tell me again, and I cringed because I knew it was.

I knew exactly what I had said and done, and if I weren't so exhausted, I'd still be freaking out.

Soda was right; it was my fault.

AN: Thanks all for reviewing! I edited the end of this chapter a little bit. I liked the emotion, but it was a tish melodramatic. Hopefully I kept enough in to keep the same impact... It's always a fine line between the right amount of emotion and overkill for me. Let me know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own.

"Caroline… Caroline…" Mrs. Reigle said, gently tapping my shoulder. I slowed lifted my head and realized I'd just fallen asleep in English for what had to be the millionth time this week.

She set my essay from a couple days ago on my desk, and I sighed when I saw a huge D written in bold, red ink at the top of the paper. "Please come see me after class," she whispered so only I could hear her before continuing to pass out the rest of the student's essays.

I nodded, appreciating the fact she hadn't made a scene out of it like a couple other of my teachers might've. The whole class didn't really need to know she wanted to talk to me; it was bad enough I'd just fallen asleep … again.

I looked around the classroom and expected them all to be staring at me, but when I did, no one was looking back. Biting my lower lip, I sank into the back of my seat. I was too paranoid about everything. Even if the whole class noticed, it wasn't like any of them would've cared, and besides, half of them probably fell asleep in class _intentionally_ every day.

Sitting up a little bit, I tried to pay attention to whatever it was Mrs. Reigle was teaching now, but my eyes kept shifting to the giant D on the top of that essay. It seemed to mock me because I knew I could do so much better than that. This was English, my best subject, not math where I'd have been thrilled to just be passing.

My head was all over the place, though, and lately I was lucky if I could form a coherent thought at all. Writing one done on paper was damn near impossible, and that essay probably deserved an F. I knew for a fact I had no clue what I was writing about when I wrote it. It honestly wouldn't shock me if she gave me that D just so I wouldn't fail. I already was failing anyway, so it wouldn't matter. Well, maybe not failing, but I might as well have been considering I was in everything else.

I chewed on the tip of my pencil—partly to keep myself awake and partly because I was nervous. There was no real reason to be nervous because she didn't seem mad at me at all. If anything, she was concerned. But in many ways, that was worse.

It was worse because I didn't want people to feel bad for me. Being known as the girl whose parents had just died was worse than being known as Soda's sister. People I barely even knew were being real nice to me and telling me how sorry they were for my loss, and while I knew they probably meant well, the words "I'm sorry" really bugged me. No one had anything to apologize for; there was nothing they had done. I, on the other hand, _had_ done something, and every time someone apologized, it reminded me of it.

Everything people said seemed to remind me of something because I was so touchy about everything. Even little things that never used to bother me before were getting the best of me. Things like my friend, Kate, complaining about the lunch her Mom had packed for her. I knew her mom couldn't cook worth a shit, but that didn't matter because all I could think about the whole time she was complaining was how much I'd kill to still have a mom. I didn't snap at her or anything—I generally kept how I felt to myself—but listening to her bitch about it really did bother me. It seemed like nothing; I'd take a mom that couldn't cook over no mom at all. I felt like a hypocrite saying that, though. A couple weeks ago, I was sure I'd have been complaining to my friends about my mom not letting me get a job. Well, if things hadn't ended the way they did…

Every time they complained about something one of their parents did, it reminded me of my own parents. And every time I thought about them, I remembered of that huge fight I'd had with Mom and just how it all went downhill from there … Maybe it was just me, but it seemed like my friends were whining about their folks a lot more than usual lately. Maybe having to listen to it was God's way of punishing me for what I had done.

Christ, I missed them, and I had no clue how much I really did appreciate what they did for me until they were gone. The little things they did meant a lot—things I always took for granted and never put a single thought to before. Things like asking me how my day was or telling me that they loved me before the left for work. I even missed the insignificant things like my mom gently mocking my dad for acting like her "fifth child". As crazy as missing it sounded, I'd never get to hear her say it or laugh at it again. I just wished I could've thanked them and told them how much I was grateful for what they did, but I knew I'd never get that opportunity.

By the time the bell rang, my knuckles were ghost white, and I was sure if I stood up from my desk fast enough, I'd pass out. Mrs. Reigle must've noticed how anxious I was because she immediately came and took a seat in the desk next to me rather than make me walk over to her. She stared at my paper briefly, and that split second of time felt like an eternity.

"You probably already know what I what to talk to you about," she said, glancing up from the paper. "And I'm not mad at you at all."

I nodded, not really sure where she planned on going with this talk, but I couldn't just ignore her like I might another teacher. She'd been the first teacher I really liked. It wasn't that I was rude, or disruptive, or otherwise gave a teacher a reason to not like me. I just was pretty quiet and went unnoticed in the classroom. All the teachers loved Pony because he was a genius, and while the teachers didn't always like Soda, he certainly made his presence known. Darry was "Boy of the Year" and a major player on the football team, so of course they knew all about him, but what was I? I was nothing. I had no clue why she even liked me so much; she just did.

I shifted in my seat and bit my lip. This conversation was going to be awkward, and I knew it.

"Are you okay?" she asked, picking up on my nervousness.

"I'm fine," I said quickly, but she gave me a look that told me she knew I was lying. "It's just…hard," I added.

"I wouldn't doubt that it is," she said, and there was a long silence. Part of me wanted to elaborate and tell her everything, but an even bigger part of me held myself back. There wasn't much I really could tell her beyond the facts, which she already knew. She knew my parents were dead and that Darry was now our guardian. What she didn't know was everything that had happened was my fault, but that was something I'd never be able to tell anybody.

Thankfully she could tell I was uncomfortable and continued on with what she'd intended to say. "And that's why I want to give you a second chance with this paper, Carrie. Rewrite it when you're feeling up to it."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"I don't want you to give me preference or anything over the other kids…" I said quickly, not stopping to think about what I was saying. I should've just held my tongue and taken the offer, but of course I just had to wonder about what the other kids would think. I didn't want become more of a teacher's pet than I already was in that class…

"No one will have to know about it unless you tell them, and I don't think I'm giving you preference either. I'd do the same for any other kid in the same circumstances." She looked down at the paper and sighed. "My offer still stands. I know you can do better than this, and when your head's clearer, I know you will."

She smiled at me and waited for a reply.

"Okay," I said reluctantly, and as much I knew I should be thrilled about getting the opportunity to redo the essay, it didn't feel right. For whatever reason, I had a real hard time accepting help from others; sometimes I was just too independent for my own good.

"Thanks," I added. I didn't want to sound so cold like my first "okay" had been, and I really did appreciate the fact she was willing to give me a second chance with the essay even though I felt a little weird accepting it. As much as it bugged me, though, I couldn't turn it down in the end because my grade was in dire need of improvement.

"You're more than welcome," she replied.

Relaxing a little bit, I was glad that that part of the conversation was over with. I hoped she'd write me a note to my next class and send me on my way now, but unfortunately that didn't happen.

"Your brother doing okay?" she asked, and I froze a bit. I almost anticipated that question coming. I assumed she meant Darry; everyone seemed to be worried about him because he was so young and had taken guardianship of three kids.

I'd be lying if I said I hadn't worried about him at all, but in truth, I couldn't really answer the question fully. Darry was always so stoic about everything it was hard to know how he really felt about something. I knew that he knew about the possibility of guardianship; I'd overheard Mom and Dad talking to him about it a couple months ago in the off chance that something should ever happen to both of them. I remembered thinking it'd never happen, and I'm sure he thought the same when he agreed to it.

It wasn't that I doubted his intentions at all. I knew he'd rather take custody of all of us than watch us get separated, but I also knew he was nineteen and that he had dreams of his own he was never going to get to see now. I just wondered if he'd be able to live with the fact he'd never get anything for himself. I remembered how crushed he was when his athletic scholarship wasn't enough to pay for college and how excited he'd been when he figured out he'd earn enough money from his roofing job to attend the next year. None of that was ever going to happen now.

"He's doing alright," I replied finally. _Alright_ was the best word I could find to describe him even though I knew he wasn't. None of us were, but he'd never let anyone see it. He was "Superman" after all and couldn't afford to show the world he had weaknesses.

The more I thought about him, the more I thought about why she'd asked. I'm sure people have to have their doubts as to whether or not he'd be able to do it, and everyone always seem to think he was "too young". I couldn't say I never had my own worries—I did—but him taking care of us was far better than any alternative. People didn't quite understand. Having them gone was hard enough. Getting split up would be… I didn't even want to think about it.

She nodded slightly and gave me a look that said she half-believed me. I felt bad not being able to give her better answers because I knew she really did care and was trying her best to be supportive. I could tell it bothered her I was being so distant, but I couldn't help it. I just didn't want to talk about anything.

"I better get going to my next class," I said, changing the subject. I really wanted to get out of the classroom before she might try to talk to me about something else.

"Okay." She watched as I gathered my books and things together. "If you ever need anything, just let me know," she added as I got up and walked towards the door.

"Thank you," I said, exiting the classroom. I walked into the hallway felt a huge wave of relief. Mrs. Reigle was probably one of the nicest people I'd ever met, but nice or not, there were just some things I didn't want to share with anybody.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

AN: Thanks for the reviews!

The hallway was pretty empty, and I figured that I was probably going to be late for my next class. If I'd been thinking, I would've asked Mrs. Reigle for a note. I didn't really care too much, though, because it was math and my last class of the day. Besides, I was just happy to be out of that classroom.

"Hey," I heard someone say before I could even reach my locker. I turned and saw it was Soda. Steve was standing beside him.

"Ain't you goin' to class?" I asked Soda.

He laughed. "Should ask you the same question. Thought you were the one that don't like skippin'."

"Yeah, well, Mrs. Reigle wanted to talk to me," I told him. "And don't ask why; I don't wanna talk about it."

He gave me sympathetic look and dropped the subject right away. He'd been a lot nicer to me since the night of the accident, and I could tell he felt bad even though he hadn't given me a flat-out apology. He didn't have to, though, and I was sure he didn't want to either. Both of us knew what'd happened; he had been right, too, and sometimes the truth really did hurt.

He followed me to my locker and watched as I set my English books in it and grabbed my math book.

I turned and glared back, annoyed he was staring at me. "What?"

"Steve and I are headin' over the DX if you wanna come," he said.

I wasn't exactly expecting him to suggest I cut class with him, but when I thought about it, I decided why not. Normally I wasn't one to cut, but I wasn't exactly thrilled about going to math. Besides, I needed some fresh air after English, and I'd probably just dwell on everything more if I did go to class.

"Sure," I said, putting my math book back in the locker. "You know, though, if we're gonna skip, we might wanna get outta the building before we get caught. Just a thought."

"Yeah, Soda." Steve smirked and elbowed him.

"Shuddup, Carrie.

"Stevie's gonna get me a job," Soda said confidently after we'd left the building.

"Really? Where?"

"The DX, stupid," he said. "I told ya we were goin' there, didn't I?"

"Well, yeah, but you're gonna get a job? Right now?"

"Yup, only time the boss was willing to interview me was in ten minutes."

"Darry know you're getting a job?" I asked.

"Kinda. Don't know I'm skipping class to get one, but he'll be real happy once he sees the good money I'll be bringin' home every two weeks."

I raised an eyebrow at that. It shocked me he was actually going to do something productive when he cut class this time; usually he cut pull some other brainless stunt with Two-Bit or Steve.

I also wondered why he'd ask me to go along if all they were doing was get him a job. Still, I couldn't complain. Anything was better than math.

When we got to the DX, Soda went inside and I stood outside the entrance. Steve stayed there beside me, and it seemed kind of odd for him not to follow Soda in. I thought _he_ was the one getting Soda the job, but it didn't really bother me. It wasn't like he was going to try to hit on me or anything—Darry'd skin him alive and I was pretty sure Soda might, too.

"Hey, you know that girl Evie?" he said, turning to face me, and it became quite obvious why Soda'd ask me to come along with them. Steve probably got him to ask me just so could talk to me about Evie.

"Evie Lind?" I knew Evie real well actually. Tricia and I used to go over to her house a lot as kids, and she was almost always in a couple of my classes.

"Yeah."

"What about her?" I asked, but I really didn't need to. Evie wasn't just pretty, she was gorgeous, so I could safely assume Steve was into her.

"I think she's interested in me."

"That's news to me," I said, trying to stifle my laughter. It seemed more like it was the other way around to me, and he was so cocky about the way he said it, it was amusing. "You sure it ain't the other way around?"

"Positive."

"Then just ask her."

He stared at me and dropped the subject for a while. I honestly hadn't noticed Evie'd been into anybody lately. Maybe she really was hitting on Steve and I didn't know about it, but either way, it was always fun to mess with Steve's head a bit because he was real cocky about everything.

"Think she'd say yes?" he asked, breaking the silence.

"I dunno, really. She's single, and if you play your cards right about asking her, maybe," I replied, and I wasn't lying to him either. I'd hope he'd have enough sense not to use a corny pick up line or something like Two-Bit had when he'd asked Kathy out. Kathy thought it was almost sweet, but Evie and I just about gagged at the sight. Two-Bit apparently thought saying, "Is there a mirror in your pocket? 'Cause I can see myself with you," in front of everybody was a great way to win over a girl. Well, it worked for Kathy, but Evie preferred something a little more real. The more I thought about it, the more I thought Steve just might be the right guy for her. Steve was about as real as they came, and if he wasn't so much like a brother to me, I might've been romantically interested in him.

"I'm a working man!" Soda proclaimed loudly walking over to me and Steve.

"Congratulations?"

"Ain't that somethin'," Steve said, not too far behind me, and Soda shoved him a little.

"Thanks for the support, man."

"I got you that interview, didn't I?"

I rolled my eyes and followed them wherever they wherever headed next.

XXX

I guess back to school was next on their list, and I while going to the DX wasn't exactly what I'd expected, it did a decent enough job taking my mind off of things. I guess you never really did know what to expect when those two were involved, though.

The school day had ended by the time we got back, and I assumed we'd gone back so Soda could see Sandy. I suppose we'd up to pick up Pony, too, but I was sure Sandy was on the top of Soda's priorities.

"Carrie!" I heard Tricia call from behind me.

She walked over to me and looked at me a little funny. "Why weren't you in math today?"

I bit my lip. I knew she wouldn't get on my case about it, but I still didn't want to tell her I'd skipped because she might worry about why I had.

"I skipped." I decided to just tell her. As much as I didn't want to tell her, I didn't like lying to her.

"Oh, well, the assignment is to finish up last week's. He gave us an extension," she told me, and I was both shocked and relieved she didn't seem fazed by it.

"Thanks."

"So, why'd you skip?" she asked.

"Soda asked me to go to the DX with him and Steve," I said and started laughing thinking about it.

"What's so funny?"

"Steve's got a thing for Evie," I said, and I immediately guessed she'd think it was "cute".

"Really? Aw, they'd make a cute couple." I was right; she always seemed to say that the second a guy we knew was into a friend of ours. She was far more girly than I was and more boy crazy in the sense that she thought of relationships more in terms of the couple than the people themselves. Sometimes I thought she had a boyfriend just for the sake of having a boyfriend. I preferred to look at the people as individuals. Sure, it was "cute" that people were boyfriend and girlfriend, but there was far more to relationships to me than that.

"Really," I replied. "He said she's hittin' on him, though. Said _she_ was interested in him even though _he_ was the one that brought the subject up."

She giggled at this; Tricia really didn't laugh ever, she giggled. It was almost like her trademark or something, and every time she did, I couldn't help but laugh with her.

"I hope he does ask her out," she said. "I really do think they'd be cute together."

"Me too. Just hope Steve don't pull a Two-Bit on her or something," I said, smirking.

"Speaking of Two-Bit," she began, "I saw him flirtin' with another girl in French today. Probably only took French because more girls take it than guys." I chuckled because it was true. Two-Bit was quite the charmer and always hitting on all the girls—especially blondes. I kind of wondered if he'd ever hit on to me if it weren't for the fact I was Darry's and Soda's sister. I can't say that I minded, though. While Two-Bit was entertaining and fun to be around, he wasn't exactly the kind of guy I wanted to date.

"Ain't Kathy in that class, too?" I asked. "I'm sure she was _real _impressed with him."

"Sure was. Claimed he was getting _help_ with an assignment, but it was pretty obvious what he was doin'."

"Sometimes I wonder why she sticks with him. He does this all the time," I said, and I was a little bit frustrated. Kathy was another good friend of mine, and she always let Two-Bit win her back with corny pick up lines.

"You gotta admit he's charming, though."

"Yeah, I suppose, but he's not really my type." He really wasn't. I didn't know what I wanted in a guy exactly, and I'd never had a serious boyfriend—a couple dates here and there but nothing more than that. I was sure it wouldn't be a guy like Two-Bit, though. I didn't like sweet talk, and whenever a guy told me I was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen, I had to wonder how many girls had heard it before me. I guess I preferred a guy that said what he meant and meant what he said.

"Yeah," she sighed. "I gotta get going, though. I work the early shift tonight. I'll see ya later."

"Later."

I took a seat on a bench outside the school after she left, and soon Pony showed up and took a seat next to me.

"Looks like we're gonna have to wait for Romeo to finish romancing his Juliet, huh?" I said, obviously referring to Soda and Sandy on the bench across from us.

"Anyway, how was your day?" I asked, remembering he actually liked Sandy.

"Okay. Yours?"

"Interesting."._Interesting_ was probably the only way to describe it.

XXX

After we'd finally gotten home from school, I sat down on the couch and attempted to begin my homework, but I was having very little luck. I just couldn't concentrate, and I was really beginning to wish I hadn't skipped math. Maybe I'd learn something new today that'd help me understand last week's assignment, which I still hadn't finished. Luckily the teacher gave us an extension, but even with the extension, there was no way I'd finish because I hadn't even gotten the first problem. Out of frustration, I slammed the book shut, threw it off to the side of me, and sank into the back of the chair.

"Jesus, Carrie," Pony snapped.

"What?"

"Think you slammed that book loud enough?"

"Sorry," I said, flustered. I didn't know why I even had attempted to do my math homework; I didn't get math even when my head wasn't all over the place.

"What's the assignment?"

"I dunno know, Pony. Besides, you're in eighth grade, and I'm a junior in high school. You probably wouldn't even know the answers anyway." I didn't mean to sound mean. The kid was brilliant, and he probably could've helped me, but I had way too much pride to let him. I mean, genius or not, he was my kid brother.

He picked up the book and opened it to the page I had marked with my pencil. I watched as he looked over the page and looked over back at me. "This ain't _that_ hard, Carrie."

Christ, he hadn't even been through math that far, and all he had to do was read it and he got it. I groaned and glanced at him, annoyed. "You wanna explain problem seventeen to me then?"

He looked at it quickly immediately had the answer. "It's a triangle, so there's a 180 degrees in it," he told me.

"Well, thanks for clearin' that up." Did he think I was stupid? It was the x that I had to solve for in the angle that was throwing me off, not the number of degrees in a triangle.

"So, all the angles have to add up to that. Add all the angles together, set them equal to 180, and solve for x. It's _just _Algebra, Carrie." _Just_ Algebra. Algebra was more confusing than a foreign language to me.

"Wait… how in the world do you know Algebra? I didn't even learn that 'til ninth grade."

"Promise you won't laugh?" he asked, blushing a bit. I had no clue why he was embarrassed in the first place. I should've been the one embarrassed because he knew more about math than I did, even though I was older. I nodded, though, indicating for him to continue. I wanted to know what was supposedly going to make me laugh.

"I got bored one weekend and read through Soda's math book."

I smiled a bit, not as much at the fact that he read a math book to cure his boredom, but more because it was shocking Soda would've actually bothered to bring his math book home. It always kind of pissed me off, too, because Soda actually understood math when he bothered to do it.

"C'mon, Pony, I wouldn't laugh at that. I think it's kinda neat actually. I'm jealous."

"Really?" he asked, and it was almost sweet how happy he was that I didn't laugh at him.

"Yeah, maybe I'll have you help me out with math more often." To be honest, it still was awkward and just embarrassing having him help me, but if it made him feel like something, I suppose I could swallow my pride long enough to let him. He really did know what he was talking about anyway.

After I finished the assignment with his help, it was nearly six o'clock. Neither Soda nor Pony seemed like they were all that interested in making dinner so I took the responsibility upon myself.

I looked around the kitchen for something to make, but there wasn't much of anything. Darry apparently thought it'd be a brilliant idea to let Pony and Soda do all the grocery shopping last weekend, and it resulted in the purchase of snack foods only—all of which had been eaten by now. I finally managed to find a box of rice and a can of corn. Some meal that was going to be, but it was all we had.

I started to make both, and while I waited for the food to cook, I began to think about how I'd rewrite my essay for English. It was about the symbolism in the book _The Scarlet Letter_, and for whatever reason, the symbolism in the scaffolding scene was really sticking out to me. In the scene the main character, Hester Prynne, was forced to stand on a scaffold amidst an angry crowd for committing adultery. Her daughter Pearl cried out for her, and the high-ups demanded to know who the father of her child is, but she refused, saying Pearl will only know a heavenly Father. As crazy as it sounded, the whole scene reminded me of the funeral. I felt like everyone's eyes were on me even though I clearly wasn't on a scaffold, and like no one would know who the father of Pearl was unless Hester spoke, no one would know the accident was my fault unless Soda said something. It was a stretch, I'd admit, but still the thought was getting in the way of me coming up with a better way to explain the symbols in the book.

My mind was going nowhere, so I gave up on the idea of thinking about the essay and just finished making the food. By the time I'd had the sad excuse for the meal done, Darry had gotten home from work.

"That's quite some dinner," he said sarcastically, looking at the food on the table.

"That's what you get for lettin' them buy all the food," I said, pointing to Soda and Pony who were already devouring the food I'd just set on the table. It was a good thing I made the whole box of rice.

He smirked and took a seat. "Next time me and you'll do the shopping."

I sat next to Soda and basically picked at the rice and corn the whole meal. It wasn't that I didn't like it or didn't want to eat it even. I just didn't have an appetite and my stomach was really bothering me lately.

"You gonna eat that, Carrie?" Soda asked.

"No." I shoved the rice off unto his plate. Boy, could he eat, but I didn't care. It wasn't like I was going eat it anyway.

After supper, I went to my room and attempted to rewrite that essay even though I still had no clue how I was going to do that exactly. The time all I could think about was how mortified I'd be to wear the letter "M" on my chest for murder just like Hester Prynne had to wear the letter "A" for adultery. I was definitely going to go insane before I finished the damn thing.

After several minutes I gave up again and ended up lying on my bed and staring up at the ceiling aimlessly instead.

"Carrie." I sat up quickly, slightly startled by hearing my name. I turned and Darry was standing right in front of me. "Your English teacher just called me. I need to talk to you." My stomach tied up in a knot. She probably didn't call him about anything major, but my mind kept coming up with possibilities that were far from comforting. Even if it wasn't much, I still didn't want to talk or think about any of it again.

"About what?" I asked, nervously awaiting a reply.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own.

I took some relief in the fact that Darry didn't look mad. Lord knows, the last thing I needed was him pissed at me. He pulled out the chair from my desk and took a seat. "Your teacher's real worried about you, you know," he said.

"So she told me."

"Can't say I blame her," he went on. "I mean, you haven't exactly been yourself lately."

"Neither have you."

"That's besides the point."

"Why?" I asked, even though I knew I was being purposefully difficult. I just wanted to delay talking about me as long as possible.

"Don't start that."

"Start what?"

"You know damn well what."

He sounded pissed, and if I had half a brain, I would've shut up, but instead, I found myself arguing. "That's a bullshit answer."

"Carrie, stop it," he warned, but I wasn't done. Something had snapped in me, and I found myself intentionally provoking him. Besides, I actually _did_ want to know why everything always applied to us but never to him. It _was_ bullshit.

"How the hell you expect me to talk to you if you won't even answer a simple question?" I continued. "Last week you yell at us for being up late when you hardly slept a wink yourself, and now you wanna yell at me for not being myself? Well, I don't wanna hear it. I already heard it from Mrs. Reigle, and I sure as hell don't need it from you."

"For one, I already told you this _isn't_ about me. Two, you'd better watch your tone." I fought the urge to roll my eyes at that. I knew he was our guardian now, but it was just so weird to hear him say parental things like "watch your tone" or "because I said so". He'd always been bossy, so I was used to that much, but actually having to listen to him was a different story.

"Now I know you don't exactly wanna be talking to me, and to be honest, I don't exacty wanna be talking to you either. But I'm afraid neither of us have a choice." He glared at me, pausing a moment to let his words sink in. "So you'd best just cooperate. Mouth off again, and you'll be spending the next week grounded, dig?"

I nodded and mumbled an apology. I shifted in my seat a bit, waiting impatiently for him to continue on with whatever he was going to say. Every now and then he'd open his mouth like he was going to say something, but hesitated and quit. God, this must've been just as hard for him as it was for me.

The anticipation was killing me, and I was half-tempted to start rambling off apologies and promises to get my grades up and whatever else needed to be said. But I continually held my tongue. For all I knew, this could've been about something completely unrelated to my grades. I doubted it, but maybe.

"Carrie…," he hesitated, and I looked up at him, nodding for him to go on. " I dunno how else to say this, but you really gotta get your shit together."

I swallowed and avoided eye contact with him. I knew that—hell, it was abundantly obvious—but that still didn't make hearing those words any easier. Darry certainly wasn't one to sugarcoat anything, and to add insult to the injury, what he said was 100% true.

"Your grades can't keep slipping, you gotta start sleeping and dammit, you gotta quit starving yourself."

"I'm not starving myself," I popped in quickly to defend myself, but instantly regretted it. Darry seemed a lot crosser than when he first came in the room, which was partly my fault, and I didn't want to end up grounded. Man, I hated to think he _could_ ground me, being only three and half years older than me and all, but I certainly wouldn't put it past him.

"Then what the hell are you doing?"

The tone of his voice was enough to tell me I was playing with fire. I groaned inwardly, trying to come up with a good explanation, but the only explanation I had was the truth. "I'm just… not that hungry."

"Well, I don't care," he shot back. "Last thing I need is the state thinking I don't feed you… C'mon, Carrie, this is getting ridiculous."

He eyed me, making sure he had my attention before continuing. "I know it's hard for you. Hell, it ain't easy for any of us, but you can't keep letting all of it get to you like this."

I didn't reply—just sat there, bracing myself for the rest of it.

"I'm not gonna let you keep spiraling downward. You're gonna get good grades even if it's tough. You're gonna start sleeping, and you're gonna eat, even if you're not hungry. And that's all there is to it."

He stood up and began to pace the room a bit, which made me even more nervous.

"If your grades aren't up by the end of this month…"

I cringed even though I'd expected to hear something along those lines. The other last thing he needed was the state riding his ass about how I was doing in school.

"Just don't find out," he finally finished.

I nodded. Glory, I didn't plan to. I was already upset enough about how I'd been doing. Having him on my case about it would surely make me explode.

I stared at my feet awkwardly. There wasn't much else to say, because I couldn't exactly fight with him, and he'd condensed all he needed to say in a few sentences.

I shuddered a bit when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I thought he'd left already. "Hey," he said, "You'll be okay."

I quickly mumbled an okay and looked up from my feet. His expression had softened a bit, and he looked like he had something else he wanted to say but couldn't find the words to put to it.

Instead of saying something, he gently squeezed my shoulder and left the room.

The second he was gone, I laid back down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling aimlessly, but before I could even try to gather my thoughts, I heard the door burst open again.

"What now?" I groaned, pulling myself up.

"Hey."

I rolled my eyes when I saw that it was Soda. Great, he probably wanted to tell me how insane I was getting, too.

"You okay?" he asked, taking a seat next to me.

"I'm fine."

He gave me a skeptical look. I couldn't lie to him. Being my twin, he knew me better than anyone else. But thankfully, he also saw I didn't want to talk about it and dropped it.

"You want something?" I asked, sounding a bit more annoyed than I'd intended to.

"Yeah, I need to talk to you," he began.

I grumble and bit my lip. I was right; time for round two.

"Jesus, if it bugs you that much, I don't have to…" he said.

"No, just go ahead. Darry already told me I need to get my shit together. Anything you say can't be all that much worse."

"I'm not talking about you. I meant me."

"Sorry, I just…" I trailed off.

Soda was pretty silent, and I felt terrible. Here he'd come to me for something obviously important, and I just had to be cold and assume he was gonna lecture me, too.

"Look, I didn't mean to sound so bitchy…"

"I know." He twiddled his thumbs anxiously. "It's not you. I just … don't know how I wanna say this."

"Oh."

"I'm dropping out," he finally said deadpan.

"What?"

"I'm dropping out," he repeated. I bit my lip, unsure of how to reply to that. The only thing I knew for sure was why he'd had to talk to me. He'd be dead right where he stood if he took it up with Darry, and Pony'd be too bothered by the thought.

"Soda… " I began. I didn't really know what to say. This was about the last thing I expected to be talking about. "I don't think that's a goo—"

"I know," he interrupted me. "I know I shouldn't and that it's a bad idea, but man, you oughta see the trouble Darry's having with the bills. I could help him."

"With a part time job at the DX?" I didn't doubt his intentions, but this still didn't make sense to me. "Soda—"

"That's just it. See, I didn't apply for a part time job; I applied for a full time one."

"But you can't just—"

"C'mon, Carrie…. It hasn't even been a month yet, and Darry's already tapped into what he'd saved for college. I could help him."

I sighed. I couldn't argue with that. But still … him dropping out didn't seem like the answer. "Darry know about this yet?" I asked.

"No, and he ain't gonna know until it's happened," Soda said firmly. "Promise me you won't tell him."

"But—"

"You and I both know there's no way in hell he'd let me, but dammit, he needs the money."

I nodded. "Okay, I won't." No doubt he needed the money, but Glory, Darry wasn't exactly going to be thrilled about this.

"Thanks."

"Darry's gonna kill you, you know," I started again. "You can't just go behind his back like this..."

"It's the only way it'll work. Beside, I'm dumb. I ain't goin' nowhere anyway."

"You're not dumb, Soda. Far from it." I hated it when he tried to blame his poor grades on his supposed stupidity—especially since half the time I had to work harder than him to understand things. He was just lazy when it came to school.

"I don't even care if I am smart. Darry needs help. Part time'd barely scratch the surface of money we're short on."

Man, he felt strongly about this, and I was almost afraid to argue with him. I know he didn't get the highest of grades, but again, that was just because he was lazy, not because he wasn't smart. If he actually took the time to sit down with his books, he could've easily been a straight A atudent.

But it wasn't worth arguing about with him. I don't know remember when or how, but somewhere along the lines, he'd decide school was of no value to him. So, I guess when I thought about it, it didn't shock me that he wanted to drop out. What did shock me, though, was him thinking he could get away with it.

"I get why you wanna do this," I said, finally finding what I wanted to say. "But I still don't see how you're gonna do this without Darry's permission. Don't you need him to sign a slip or something?"

"Yeah, but—"

"But there's where your plan falls apart. Ain't no way in hell Darry's gonna sign to let you drop."

"I know, and that's why I'mma have to forge his signature."

"No," I said quickly. God, dropping out was bad enough. Darry would beat the living shit out of him for forging his signature. There'd be a fight for the death right in our living room. Soda was crazy.

"I know Darry's gonna be pissed…"

"Sayin' he'll be pissed is a massive understatement compared to what he'll do to you," I broke in.

"C'mon Carrie … I have to."

"Fine."

A long silence followed. I still didn't agree with it. I knew Darry needed the money, and that Soda could help him. But forging his signature to drop out was suicide. Soda was too hardheaded to care, though. He'd already made up his mind about this.

"Hey, Carrie?"

"Yeah?"

"You any good at forging signatures?"

AN: So… I'm not entirely sure if the law in the 60's would've required permission to drop out for a 16 year old. When I first wrote this, I clearly never gave it any thought, but I'm since leaning heavily towards no, they wouldn't have. I've googled it and can't find a conclusive answer. *sighs* IF anyone knows, please enlighten me! But I suppose for the purpose of the story as of now, I'll just pretend they did…. If I should discover it's dead wrong, I'll rewrite this appropriately… But as far as historical inaccuracies go, at least no one can say I added a cell phone. :) Keep an eye out for ipods, though. :P


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